Done.

Still alive. Still alive right now.
I'm finished though. Finish.. Finished the series. Voices suggest. Simone laughs in the back of my head. Watches
Never get better than that
Never even get that far.
Why would I? How would I?

Ironic. Ironic name for a funny farm. Happy home. Woodburne. Though you'd only get it if you knew our reference.
Maybe that's not where I'd go though? Who knows. Somewhere.
Somewhere would be a waste of money. Waste of their time.
They don't care though.
Yes they do. deep down they think that. It's a waste.
Juvenile. Bullshit problems. Not anything. Could never get to that feeling. nope. never. How do I reach it? That feeling is weird.
Waste.
Useless. useless.
Stop.
Waste of fucking time. of money. Leeching their money. You're either perfectly fine or dead.
Stop..
Dead already. You're dead. die. die. die
STOP
DIE
DIE

Plan. want a plan. plan. plan..
Ebb. Ebb. You won't bleed enough. not fast enough.
Thin the blood. Ibuprofen. Use that.
Ebb faster. won't stop. Not as fast. But what if you fail again?
Then they'll find it. find me.
Where do you cut? Your thighs are covered.
More on thighs. cross the others.
How much ibuprofen?
Seven ought to do it.
How long afterwards do you wait?
Fifteen minutes.
How much do you cut?
Three that drip. If they stop, three more. Work my way down. in.

Do you want to do it tonight?
Dunno.
Get a haircut first.
shh. shh.. shh..
I wonder.
You wonder?
If it would kill you.
Who?
St John.
Dunno. Probably cause psychosis though. definitely.
How many do you take?
Four.
When?
Now.

Let's go on a trip.

Ring..

Ringing..
Blade down.. Buzzing..
Ear to the door.. Can still hear him?.. Yup..
Reason?.. Definitely..
Drag it.. Corner down.. Presses through the flesh
His voice sounds the same as.. His
No blood.. Drag it more
Selfish
Not enough, stroke it slow
Will do anything
Press it deeper
Harder
Never heard
Going downstairs now
There he is
Cringe some at the sound of his yells
Blood beaded, dripping
Maybe I should just leave
Arm bared
Fuck you too then.

Those words ring still
Inside
Fuel
To my fire

Dying Star..

Blank.. Empty..
Hollow..
Felt so strange, the past few weeks.. Interpretations.. Letting whatever, whomever draw, and speak, and write through me..
Letting them through me..
What am I doing.. Who am I?..
Can't do anything.. can't.. nothing..
Can't continue..
Won't stop.. won't.. they won't.. shut up..
I had to make noise to stop it.. to stop him..
Maybe not even stop him.. just make it so I can't hear..
CAN'T BREATHE
Can't hear..
Shh..
HELP.. HELP.. I CAN'T.. STOP.. PLEASE STOP..
Stop..
stop..
shh..

Dying star..
Crying crimson..
Rip.. rip..
Throb.. throb..drip.. ebb.. ebb..
Slow.. slower..
All so slow..
Dying..
Empty..
Dying.. you're dying.. Who?..
Said before.. he said before he was dying..
But no.. that's not it..
Not him..

..But now I'm there.. How?.. how am i there already?..
I'm dying..
I'm the dying star..
I'm slipping..slid so far..

...You either will be seeing a lot more of the others, or tomorrow I'm going to be going to the school psychologist.
I'm suicidal.
They're going to be told. If I'm there to do it.

.. I love you, Vince

Here

Not here. Where are you then? I dunno. Can you go? I dunno. Scared to say no. Scared.
But I'm so far away. Why? Don't hurt me still. It'll be used against me
Somehow

Already my eyes are bleeding black
Hurts
Feels so empty.
Too hot. Hurts. Burns.
Need to sleep. Sleep. Sleep..
There's a fan on your bed.
Ahahah..
Sleep..

Let it out.

I told them today. Told mum a little more of what happened with him. And snapped a little too.
Didn't quite get my point across. My father is an idiot. Only response I got from him was that I'm crazy. Again. He's been saying that more and more lately. Way to state the obvious, imbecile.
What bugs me more is the fact that he fucking trapped me again. I'm definitely bringing that up.
He needs to learn.

That's what you'll get

That's what you'll get she says
If you want to be committed
To an institution
Do you want it? To rot? You want to rot? You'll get it
That's what you'll get
Push me further
Do it
I fucking dare you.
More melatonin, want the sleep
Want sleep
So far from it
Rot
Rot..

Arms sting
Thighs sting
I'll go tomorrow
Don't expect me to smile
Or work
Or really be there.
Can't do it.
Can't do this.

Have you
Have you

Mock fucking concern in your voice mother
Yours was almost genuine
But fathers
Liar
Liar

They scream it
LIAR

This isn't fair she says
Not fair to do this now
I'm not keeping you here they say, I say
Here, I'll make it easy for you
Go away. Fucking go away. Leave me alone.


They asked me if I'm on drugs.
I don't need drugs to get like this.
Shows how much they know.

My head.
My head..

Go on thinking its all about the computer though.
What comes next?

Just not right.

Mirror, Mirror
why do you torture me so?
Figure and eyes
Each little hair upon the flesh.
Eyebrows and nose
Eyelids and their colors
Lashes and their length.

Who are you,
Mirror being?
Why do you remind me so
Of the me I used to be

Need something different
Something not so like
The one he shoved
The neck he wrapped his fingers around
Every bit of flesh he touched
Wants to change.

Can't stand being the same.
Can't be. Am not.
Hair needs shorter
Hair needs colors.
Never again will you remind me


Who are you,
Mirror being?
Why do you remind me so
Of the me I used to be

Mirror, Mirror,
Why do you torture me so?
Remind me
Me reminds me
Reminds me of him
Who are you?

Who am I?
Who is this standing so alike to me?
This beautiful being
This being I envy
What is inside of her?

Reflection
This is me
But no, it's you.
This me has to look
Just like you.


Who are you,
Mirror being?
Why do you remind me so
Of the me I used to be

Can't be anything like
The me I used to be
Anything but.

Because everything inside
Changes
Everything outside must change,
Or it doesn't look right
Never looks right.


Who are you,
Mirror being?
Why do you remind me so
Of the me I used to be...