To all of you out there.

I'm getting pageviews. Even the voices are speechless for once. Could just be the new meds I'm on.

So, whoever's out there, leave a comment. For curiosity's sake.

14 days.

14 days. Two weeks.
Two weeks to prepare for the death of my creator.
I haven't posted on here in a while, but I suppose I should start again, it helped to keep me sane before. A little anyway, I did end up in the mental hospital anyway, didn't I? Heh.
Not sure what will happen when he dies. I do know there's another number. Five. Then I'm getting this goddamned demon out of me. She claims she's so much more than she really is.. I won't get cocky though. Don't get arrogant now. No, no..
I wonder really if this will even be seen. Doesn't matter. Perhaps I'll bring attention back to it. Hmn.


...I'd be lying if I said I can handle what's going to happen.

Done.

Still alive. Still alive right now.
I'm finished though. Finish.. Finished the series. Voices suggest. Simone laughs in the back of my head. Watches
Never get better than that
Never even get that far.
Why would I? How would I?

Ironic. Ironic name for a funny farm. Happy home. Woodburne. Though you'd only get it if you knew our reference.
Maybe that's not where I'd go though? Who knows. Somewhere.
Somewhere would be a waste of money. Waste of their time.
They don't care though.
Yes they do. deep down they think that. It's a waste.
Juvenile. Bullshit problems. Not anything. Could never get to that feeling. nope. never. How do I reach it? That feeling is weird.
Waste.
Useless. useless.
Stop.
Waste of fucking time. of money. Leeching their money. You're either perfectly fine or dead.
Stop..
Dead already. You're dead. die. die. die
STOP
DIE
DIE

Plan. want a plan. plan. plan..
Ebb. Ebb. You won't bleed enough. not fast enough.
Thin the blood. Ibuprofen. Use that.
Ebb faster. won't stop. Not as fast. But what if you fail again?
Then they'll find it. find me.
Where do you cut? Your thighs are covered.
More on thighs. cross the others.
How much ibuprofen?
Seven ought to do it.
How long afterwards do you wait?
Fifteen minutes.
How much do you cut?
Three that drip. If they stop, three more. Work my way down. in.

Do you want to do it tonight?
Dunno.
Get a haircut first.
shh. shh.. shh..
I wonder.
You wonder?
If it would kill you.
Who?
St John.
Dunno. Probably cause psychosis though. definitely.
How many do you take?
Four.
When?
Now.

Let's go on a trip.

Ring..

Ringing..
Blade down.. Buzzing..
Ear to the door.. Can still hear him?.. Yup..
Reason?.. Definitely..
Drag it.. Corner down.. Presses through the flesh
His voice sounds the same as.. His
No blood.. Drag it more
Selfish
Not enough, stroke it slow
Will do anything
Press it deeper
Harder
Never heard
Going downstairs now
There he is
Cringe some at the sound of his yells
Blood beaded, dripping
Maybe I should just leave
Arm bared
Fuck you too then.

Those words ring still
Inside
Fuel
To my fire

Dying Star..

Blank.. Empty..
Hollow..
Felt so strange, the past few weeks.. Interpretations.. Letting whatever, whomever draw, and speak, and write through me..
Letting them through me..
What am I doing.. Who am I?..
Can't do anything.. can't.. nothing..
Can't continue..
Won't stop.. won't.. they won't.. shut up..
I had to make noise to stop it.. to stop him..
Maybe not even stop him.. just make it so I can't hear..
CAN'T BREATHE
Can't hear..
Shh..
HELP.. HELP.. I CAN'T.. STOP.. PLEASE STOP..
Stop..
stop..
shh..

Dying star..
Crying crimson..
Rip.. rip..
Throb.. throb..drip.. ebb.. ebb..
Slow.. slower..
All so slow..
Dying..
Empty..
Dying.. you're dying.. Who?..
Said before.. he said before he was dying..
But no.. that's not it..
Not him..

..But now I'm there.. How?.. how am i there already?..
I'm dying..
I'm the dying star..
I'm slipping..slid so far..

...You either will be seeing a lot more of the others, or tomorrow I'm going to be going to the school psychologist.
I'm suicidal.
They're going to be told. If I'm there to do it.

.. I love you, Vince

Here

Not here. Where are you then? I dunno. Can you go? I dunno. Scared to say no. Scared.
But I'm so far away. Why? Don't hurt me still. It'll be used against me
Somehow

Already my eyes are bleeding black
Hurts
Feels so empty.
Too hot. Hurts. Burns.
Need to sleep. Sleep. Sleep..
There's a fan on your bed.
Ahahah..
Sleep..

Let it out.

I told them today. Told mum a little more of what happened with him. And snapped a little too.
Didn't quite get my point across. My father is an idiot. Only response I got from him was that I'm crazy. Again. He's been saying that more and more lately. Way to state the obvious, imbecile.
What bugs me more is the fact that he fucking trapped me again. I'm definitely bringing that up.
He needs to learn.